Have you ever felt like life has just past you by. I remember once doing a talk about noticing God, and the opening line went something like this.
“Have you ever reached the end of the week, looked back and wondered what on earth happened during that week”. Tonight, due to a caffeine (which is ironic, and you’ll see why now) induced insomnia, I asked myself the same question. What on earth did I do this week. What on earth has happened to this year.
In amongst my increased heart rate and unease caused by this caffeine high I started thinking about coffee and how I (and many others) have come to rely on this high to get us through the day, without feeling like zombies (although sometimes we still look like zombies)
We need it to get through the day. Especially those long tiresome days. We get our fix. Some people even go to the extent of getting as much caffeine into their bodies as fast as possible so that the curtain of tiredness doesn’t blanket the brightness of their day.
It made me think of life. And how we get through it. Especially those long hard days. It caused me to have a look at my heart.
Coffee. You’d never think such an ordinary think could make you think. As I sat on my balcony and listened to life meander slowly past me. I thought about my walk with God. The walk that doesn’t always feel like it quite measures up to the greatness a person should feel when one mentions a walk with the God of the universe.
As I sat there I thought about all my dreams and my goals, my disappointments and failures, my fears and frustrations (don’t drink too much coffee) I realised how much I had started to obsess over these “THINGS” how these things were like mini gods that controlled my existence. The controlled my joy. And when I achieved a goal, I got my little fix. I got contentment that lasted for a day, perhaps a week, thereafter I felt a restlessness grow in me again. Very similar to the feeling of having too much coffee. Hmmm wait, no, perhaps the restlessness was a little heavier than the coffee induced restlessness.
We are bound by our addictions. I’m not talking purely about common addictions such as gambling, alcohol, drugs etc. I’m talking about our little gods. The ones that twine their cords around us, starting at our legs and winding their way around our torso until they reach our neck. Suddenly they control us. We want to worry, we want our own kingdoms, we want safety, we want wealth. These are our invisible addictions. They are the ones that hold us tighter. Bind us. They tell us we need them. We cant get through our day without them.
I found out tonight these invisible addictions are kind of like coffee, we think we need them. But they have whispered that lie to us. They may keep us going. They help us get through the day. They may give us a feeling of purpose. But their purpose is fickle. It never fulfils. It always fades.
I started to realise that life feels like it passes us by when we fail to notice. And we fail to notice when we focus on the ephemeral. We need real purpose, I find I start to feel restless when I don’t know what my purpose is. My mind starts to wonder about this life. There has to be reason for it. I start to look toward my invisible addictions to satisfy. But they don’t. When we need them the most they do the opposite of what we’re used to them doing.
We don’t need coffee. We want it. It’s easy. It’s quick. But in the end it makes us even more restless
We need water. Living water. We need God. He is the only one that can fulfil.